


Karaoke Crack

by Mrssakurahatake



Category: Naruto
Genre: Drinking, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Implied Smut, Singing, The AU no one asked for, bad singing, but we all need, everybody lives au, fun times, general silliness, good singing, innuendos, karaoke night au, something for everyone - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21981160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrssakurahatake/pseuds/Mrssakurahatake
Summary: Partying and general merriment were just two things that Kakashi Hatake never sought in his day to day life. But when the entire gang gets together for a one off special event for a good friend, how can he refuse?
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi
Comments: 200
Kudos: 103





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks all of Kakashi's Sisterwives for all the encouragement. This is for you! And to Mallml for beta'ing.
> 
> This is a series of drabbles centered around Karaoke night. Everybody lives, and pretty much anyone ever encountered in the Naturoverse is welcome.

Kakashi was in his bedroom, not hiding. Nope, he just left his office early, through the window, ditched his ANBU, and snuck into his old apartment because he could. It had nothing to do with a certain senbon-obsessed shinobi or his ridiculous birthday party. 

He was quite sure the entire thing would be a disaster. Everyone would be there, everyone would be drinking, and Genma would expect--no demand--he _participate._ If Genma didn’t make him, Gai certainly would. 

There could be no worse punishment than this. So he would spend his evening sitting on the floor in a bare room, and he couldn’t have been happier about it.

* * *

There was a sharp knock at the door quickly followed by a most youthful yelling. “Gai-sensei, Gai-sensei! It is time for us to go to the pub.” 

Gai pulled the door open and greeted his student with a jaunty thumbs up and a blinding smile. “Ah Lee, you are correct. We must get going if we are going to pick up Neji and Tenten. I would hate for them to miss this after all our practicing this week.”

Lee dashed away as his sensei closed the door. “Yes we must hurry! Gai-sensei, this will be my opportunity to woo the lovely Sakura. I am sure I can impress her with our display of youthfulness.”

* * *

“Mom, Dad, hurry up! We don’t wanna be late. Hinata will be there,” Naruto yelled up the stairs. 

"Oh, well if Hinata will be there we really must hurry," Kushina said as she came down the stairs, still struggling to clasp her earring. "We really shouldn't keep my future daughter-in-law waiting."

Minato, only two steps behind her, shook his head. "She is only your future daughter-in-law if your son actually gets around to asking her out."

Kushina whipped around and stuck her tongue out, earning a chuckle from her husband.

"I told you it's not like that," Naruto protested as they filed out of the door.

Minato pulled the door shut before putting an arm around Kushina and pulling her to his side. "At this rate we are never going to get grandchildren."

* * *

"Neji, if I have to go, so do you," Tenten protested sitting on the side of their bed buckling the straps of her pointy heels.

"You do know people will actually see us there?" he asked with an exaggerated roll of his pale eyes.

Tenten stood, took a moment to check her balance in the unfamiliar shoes, then took his hand. "If you go, and don't complain more than absolutely necessary, I will shampoo your hair."

Neji took a moment to consider her offer. He knew she enjoyed showering together as much as he did, so it wasn't much of a bribe. Even so, it was an offer he could not refuse, but she didn't have to know that. "Will you dry it too?"

 _Bang! Bang!_ _Bang!_ \--came the forceful knock at the door. "Neji! Tenten! Gai-sensei and I are here! We can all go to the pub together."

Tenten shook her head--the two of them had no idea how to do anything at a normal volume. "Yes, I'll dry it too," she agreed, still shaking her head. "We’d better go before they piss off the neighbors again."

* * *

Shizune was attempting to exit the shower, for the third time. "Genma, let go. The hot water is all gone, and you can't be late for your own party." She reached for a towel, but Genma grabbed it first. He patted his lover dry before wrapping it around her torso.

He pulled her close for one more searing kiss. "Fine, I'll let you get ready, but just know whatever you wear is subject to being destroyed when we get home tonight."

Shizune was dressed long before Genma. She wasn't remotely surprised by this. He always spent too long on his hair, and it always looked exactly the same as when he started. 

“Come on,” she whined. “We still have to go track down our illustrious Hokage.” 

“I’ve got that covered. I’m sending the best.”

* * *

Sakura looked herself over in the full-length mirror. Ino was truly a miracle worker. She had pulled, pushed, and blended Sakura into someone she almost didn’t recognize, before slipping a red strapless number onto her.

“You look great. Honestly, I think it’s my best work yet.”

“I don’t know how you do it. No one would know I just spent fourteen hours at the hospital.”

Ino’s eyebrow raised dangerously until it was lost behind her long blonde bangs. “I thought you said you only worked twelve hours today?”

“Well... there was a nap at my desk, and I had lunch so I really only _worked_ twelve hours,” she stated proudly. Ino would see right through her, but hopefully she would just drop it.

Ino help up her arms in mock surrender. “Whatever you say. Now are you going to tell me why you are so worried about tonight?”

Sakura bit her lip, considering how to answer. Telling the truth would make it real, but lying to Ino was impossible. After everything they've been through together, Ino deserved the truth. 

She took a deep breath, and turned to face her friend fully. “He kissed me.”

Ino’s eyes were as wide as her smile. “Where?” 

“On the lips?” Sakura replied, confused. 

“No, where were you? When? How was it? Was there a mask?” Ino’s questions were flying out so fast Sakura couldn’t comprehend them all. 

“Um, how about I tell you all about it later, I’ve gotta go,” she answered with a shy grin, then took off down the stairs and through the flower shop. Ino heard the ting of the door chimes as Sakura ran out. She smiled at her own image in the mirror. Took them long enough. She smoothed the sides of her violet satin dress, and headed down the stairs. This was shaping up to be Genma’s best party ever, and she wasn’t going to miss a moment of it. 

* * *

Kakashi had known she would be the one to find him. There was no getting out of it now. He opened the door just as she was raising a hand to knock. “How’d you know?”

“I just did. I can always find you,” she said, reaching out for his hand. 

His fingers wrapped around hers. “Fine, I’ll go, but I am not singing.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure. I hear Gai has been practicing. I know you won’t back down from a challenge,” she teased. 


	2. Welcome to the Jungle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genma puts on a show!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to mummpaintstheblues for beta'ing

Sakura stopped short, only a few steps from their goal. She turned back to Kakashi with a shy smile. The blue neon lights of the  _ Tipsy Senbon _ sign reflected off her hair, making it shine violet. This was all so new for them, and they hadn't really even talked about it. He hated to have to deal with the entire shinobi world knowing before he knew what it all meant, but there was no going back now.

"Sakura, before everything gets all  _ Genma,  _ and I forget: you look amazing tonight."

The goofy smile that spread across her face was infectious and Kakashi knew his was just as ridiculous, but thankfully, hidden behind his mask.

Sakura opened her mouth to answer but before she could a boisterous voice echoed across the village, "Eternal Rival!"

There was nothing Kakashi could really do. He had known this was coming from the moment he had stepped out of his old apartment. Sinking into this signature slouch he held up his free hand and answered, "Yo."

"Always so cool, but tonight I shall be victorious! I challenge you to a singing competition!" he said with a blinding smile. Lee nodded enthusiastically beside him while Neji tried to make himself as small as possible, hoping to find a last minute excuse out of this nonsense.

Tenten wasn't paying them any attention, she was far too busy eyeing Sakura with a look that promised an interrogation, sooner rather than later.

Kakashi, never one to back down, just nodded in acceptance and started making his way into the bar, pulling Sakura with him. "What are the parameters of the challenge?"

"We choose our own song and select a panel of judges to pick a winner."

"How many judges?"

"Five!" Gai had been planning this for some time. "No former students, teammates or lovers."

Kakashi wasn't sure but he thought he heard Tenten mumble something about  _ all three,  _ but decided to let it slide and easily agreed to the terms.

They looked over the bar, which was standing room only, and Sakura groaned internally, these were not standing all night shoes. Then in the very front she spotted Shizune and Genma waving at them with several tables pushed together.

Kakashi leaned close to her ear to be heard over the noise, "Go ahead and grab a seat and I’ll get drinks. It’s gonna take a minute to work out this judge thing."

Sakura nodded in understanding, then she pushed her way to the front of the crowded room. She could feel Tenten hot on her trail, and Ino was already waiting with Shizune. It was going to be a long night.

Before Sakura could take a seat Genma was making his way to the makeshift stage. The din lowered without prompting as he stepped up to the microphone.

"Welcome to our first karaoke night," the words were barely understandable over the feedback that filled the room. He shot a glance to Itachi at the table at the side of the stage.

Itachi gave an apologetic wave as he fiddled with the dials and nodded for Genma to continue.

"As I was saying, welcome to the first karaoke night at Tipsy's. I hope everyone is here for a good time." His eyes cut to Shizune who turned bright red before continuing. "And just to make sure of that, pitchers of Hoppy Ending are half price for the next 2 hours."

Sakura turned back to the bar just in time to see an animated discussion with Gai, Kakashi, Anko, and Iruka come to a complete stop, as they all turned to the bar and signaled for a pitcher. Sakura turned back to the table to find Ino, Shizune and Tenten collectively staring at her with questions all over their faces.

"What?" she asked, not even attempting to feign innocence.

"You were staring at his ass," Tenten accused.

"It is a nice ass," Shizune said without thinking, then raising both hands to cover her mouth in shock at her own statement.

Everyone doubled over with laughter as the sounds of guitars filled the air around them. Sakura was saved from the awkward questioning by the Genma's voice rushing over them.

_ Welcome to the jungle, we've got fun and games _

_ We got everything you want honey, we know the name _

"Shizune!" Sakura accused, "You've been holding out on us. He can sing."

"What!... No!... I don't know what you're talking about," she denied, flailing her hands about.

Ino snorted and almost spit out her drink, "It's the worst kept secret in the village. Everyone knows you stay at his place four or five nights a week."

Genma picked that exact moment to remove the microphone from its stand and wink at their table, causing Shizune to bury her face in her hands

_ Feel my, my, my serpentine _

_ Uh, I, I want to hear you scream _

Genma strutted around the stage, working the mic and his hips as Kakashi and Gai watched from the bar. Several pitchers were placed in front of them.

"I'd like to add an addendum the rules," Kakashi said seriously. He pointed at the stage and continued, "None of... whatever that is."

Gai laughed nodding in agreement as they gathered up the beer and joined their friends at the table.

"Did you get the judges worked out Gai-sensei?" Lee asked seriously.

"That we did, Lee. I am sure we will have a fair contest of musical skills and performance."

"I signed you up for the next two spots, but Kakashi-sensei will need to tell Shisui what music he wants."

"Great job Lee," Gai answered, his grin getting wider at the thought of besting his rival.

Kakashi felt no hurry to make any choices and instead slid down next to Sakura wrapping his arm over her shoulders as if it were the most natural thing in the world. He could feel the heat coming off her face and smiled beneath his mask. Then again, it could be Genma’s display and not Kakashi’s proximity making her blush. Only Genma could make these lyrics feel even dirtier. With a kick to the air, Genma’s performance came to an end. He looked over the room with mild disappointment at the disinterested applause that followed his heartfelt rendition. 

Gai jumped up as he slumped off the stage. “Let’s go team! Lee, give everyone their hat!”

Neji took one look at the abominations in Lee’s hand. “Absolutely not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Genma singing G&R was the inspiration for this fic from the beginning, so I had to make it the first selection of the night.  
> Team Gai is up next. Any guesses what's with the hats?
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr https://mrssakurahatake.tumblr.com/


	3. Whip It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by Mummapaintstheblues because she is awesome like that

Neji stood in the front of the room, holding the red monstrosity of a hat in disbelief. He had been forced to do a lot of ridiculous things as a member of Team Gai, but  _ nothing  _ quite as bad as this. Did they really think he was going to put that  _ thing _ on his head?

"Hurry, Neji!" Lee encouraged, nodding with the molded red plastic perched atop his head.

"Lee, I am not wearing a... a... wedding cake on my head." He countered.

"I don't know Neji, I think it looks like a pillbox hats stacked on top of each other?" Tenten chimed in turning the plastic over and over in her hands.

"Now Neji, this is a contest of performance as well as skill. We must give our all if we are going to defeat my rival." Gai didn't wait for a response to his pep talk; he just turned and stepped onto the raised stage.

Neji plopped the red plastic tiers onto his head and followed. In the end, he knew there was no winning an argument when a rivalry contest was involved.

The table directly in front of the stage sat the five judge panel. Iruka, Anko, Gaara, Kureani, and Omoi watched with the serious understanding that, as judges of a contest, they had a duty to give their undivided attention to. But that didn’t stop them from thinking, deep down, that maybe this whole  _ rivalry _ was out of control.

Naruto dropped two glasses onto the table and walked away when the light bulb went off. He turned back, and pulled a pocket of Tabasco from his pocket then handed it to his mother.

What ever he was going to say was eclipsed by laughter overtaking the room. Naruto cast an eye to the stage as the music started.

Gai was in front of his loyal teammates and already shaking his hips to the music. He might have agreed to no Genma like displays, but he wasn't a philistine.

_ Crack that Whip _

One line, that was all it took and Anko and Kurenai were doubled over with glee, wiping tears from their eyes. Gaara shot them a glare that would have struck fear into the hearts of many, but Anko wasn't so easily cowered.

But then it happened. The background vocals started.

_ When a problem comes along _

_ You must whip it _

_ Before the cream sits out too long _

_ You must whip it _

Even Gaara couldn't keep his usually stoic face as Neji, Lee, and Tenten (in their matching plastic hats) all leaned forward and sang "You must whip it"

Gaara laughed as he had never laughed before, losing himself in the moment until his eyes were filled with tears. He looked across the table to see Anko had actually fallen onto Iruka's shoulder. Iruka's years at the academy had given him the ability to ignore nonsense of the highest degree. He was unphased by both Gai’s display and Anko’s behavior, and continued to devote his undivided attention to the task he had been given. 

Before the second verse came to a close, joyful chaos had overtaken the room. Everyone laughing in a way that just wasn't appropriate for a shinobi, everyone except Kakashi. Kakashi's expression only became more grave as he considered what was unfolding around him. Joy was hard to beat, and Gai was providing that in spades. Kakashi knew there was only one option now.

With his mind made up he crossed the room to the sign up table and leaned close to Shisui.

From Minato's vantage he couldn't tell what Kakashi was saying but if he knew Kakashi at all he knew what was coming next. Kushina cocked an eye at her husband and stirred her drink with the celery garnish. 

"What?"

"Bowie."

"Huh?"

"Kakashi knows Gai well, he was expecting this spectacle, and as much as he hates it, he loves it. He's trying to be all cool, but he really wants to win. "

Kushina took a generous sip of her cocktail and smiled at her husband. He would never stop thinking of Kakashi as their adopted son, and he loved watching Kakashi let himself have moments of normalcy.

_ It's not too late _

_ To whip it _

_ Whip it good _

As soon as the music stopped the room erupted into an almost thunderous applause. Genma looked around the room in shock and shear horror that so many people could have such awful taste in music.


	4. Dance Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi rises to the challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to MummaPaintsTheBlues for beta'ing and just being awesome in general.

Three nights ago...

Pakkun felt an all too familiar pull, materializing with the rest of his pack. Even after the haze of smoke had cleared he had no idea where he was. It was Konoha, he could sense the familiar wards that protected the city so he relaxed and plopped down where he was.

Uhei spoke up, "Where are we, Boss?"

"Under the ANBU headquarters," Kakashi replied calmly. He was walking around to passing out scrolls.

"What's this for?" Pakkun grumbled.

Kakashi did his best to look as kage-like as possible. “ A matter of grave importance… A matter of life and death… A matter of.”

“-It’s a rivalry thing, isn’t it,” Pakkun interrupted, unimpressed. 

Shiba looked up from the scroll alarmed. "Puppy dog tails?! What kind of song is this?"

Kakashi rubbed his temples, why was everything with Gai so much effort. "Just change that part to kitty cat tails."

"Do we have to do this, Boss?" Bull mumbled.

"Hopefully not, this is just the nuclear option."

* * *

As Gai left the stage, the judges table huddled up to argue quietly amongst themselves. In a room full of shinobi, any attempt at secrecy always took extra effort and they quickly decided it would be best to wait until after Kakashi finished so they would only have to do this once.

Team Gai rejoined the group already at the table. Lee attempted to take the seat next to Sakura but was cut off by Tenten. 

Hinata was still in shock, there was no way Neji had just done that willingly. She didn't know what Tenten was using to convince her cousin to humiliate himself like that, but it had to be some kind of black mail. The stage around Kakashi filled with smoke and for a moment she thought it was a fog machine, but then she heard the unhappy grumbling that could only be Pakkun.

"Why would he call the ninken?" Sasuke asked seriously.

"Why does Kaka-sensei do anything?"

_ You remind me of the babe (what babe?) _

_ The babe with the power (what power?) _

Gai's mouth feel open in disbelief. He had the ninken singing backup? It was pandering, adorable pandering and worse, it was working. Gai hated it. He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair wondering how Kakashi could have known what he had planned.

Minato leaned in close to Kushin and whispered, "Told you."

She pushed him back playfully taking a respectable sip from her Bloody Mary. "I'm gonna need another one."

"What about the  _ shinobi prohibitions? _

"That is for our son, not us. Get me another one and I’ll go pick a song for us."

She was gone before Minato could stop her.

_ What kind of magic spell to use _

_ Slime and snails _

_ Or kitty cat tails? _

Anko was desperately wiping the tears from her eyes. She wondered what she had done to deserve this treat. It certainly wasn't what she’d expected, and she couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so much.

Omio's sucker lay forgotten on the table. It had fallen from his mouth sometime during Gai's performance. What was he seeing, surely this wasn't the Copy Ninja and Rokudaime. It wasn't possible. His fingers formed quick seals and he whispered, "Release!" 

Nothing changed. Okay, so maybe this was real.

Sai made his way to the front of the room and took the seat Kakashi had previously occupied between Gai and Sakura. He felt like Ino was trying to tell him something with her look, but he had no idea what. But Sai knew when he didn't understand what was happening it was best to stay where he was, so he sat there and turned his attention to the stage.

_ Put that magic jump on me _

_ Slap that baby _

_ Slap that, slap that baby, make him free _

One could only remain ignorant for so long . As seriously as he could Sai turned Gai and asked, "Why would anyone slap a baby?"

Asuma, Obito, Rin and Yamato were standing beside the pool table with their game long forgotten. Over the years they had seen Kakashi and Gai compete in every way possible, but this. This was so unexpected. Who knew Kakashi even liked music? Certainly, they had never seen this side of him before.

Finally Rin found her voice, "Is there anything low he won't sink to when Gai is involved?"

Yamato could only shake his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who won? And what should Kushina pick for her duet with Minato? 
> 
> Have any song request? My ask box is open.


	5. Caress Me Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to thatpinkshinobi for beta'ing.

As soon as Kakashi finished the ninken poofed away with a final grumble about a steak dinner. Kakashi chose to ignore them, hoping to make a quick escape and end this public display as quickly as possible.

He wasn't that lucky. Gai was on the stage, shaking his hand for a job well done before the smoke had time to clear. Now he was stuck standing there waiting for this to just be over. Maybe, if he was very lucky, he could sneak out after this and just go home for the night.

His gaze was drawn to Sakura, she sipped her beer and nodding at whatever it was Ino and Sai were arguing about. She looked up at the stage with a shy smile and he knew there was no sneaking out.

Anko's voice drew his attention back to the five judges in front of him. "Kakashi," she was obviously trying to be serious but her grin was anything but. "You really let me down with the wardrobe. I think I speak for most of us when I say we were disappointed you didn't have the _Jareth_ pants.

"Gai, you went the extra step with the Devo hats, for that reason you get my vote." As soon as she stopped talking she fell into another fit of laughter.

Iruka took Anko falling against his arm in stride and did his best to treat this situation with the utmost seriousness. "I enjoyed both songs, but I think the ninken made adorable little goblins, so my vote is for Kakashi."

Gaara was still wiping tears of joy from his face. He has never in his life laughed this much, and there was only one reason for it. "Gai!" He managed to get out before falling onto Iruka’s other shoulder giggling uncontrollably.

Kurenai waited a moment assuming he would continue, but he just kept laughing. "It seems you both worked hard, and did your very best. I vote for Kakashi."

Gai's weight shifted from one leg to the other as he bounced around in anticipation. He knew this challenge had been a brilliant idea, much better than the drinking challenge that normally happened when they were at Tipsy's. Just one more judge and he would have this whole rivalry tied up again. All eyes were on Omoi.

The young bodyguard still hadn't returned his sucker to its normal home in his mouth. He was still trying to make sense of everything he had seen. "I don't really understand everything that is happening here, but I do know one thing. A leader should never look like a fool. This is no way for a kage to behave. So I have to vote for Gai."

Lee let out a shriek of joy. "Neji! Tenten! Did you hear that Gai-sensei won! The power of youth!" His grin was as wide as his face.

Kakashi looked slightly defeated as he walked off the stage slapping his enthusiastic rival on the back and forcing a congratulation. He looked at Sai in the chair he had left behind to participate in this obvious sham and frowned. Before he could find a polite excuse to kick him out, Ino jumped into action.

"Sai, come over here and sit with me," she said with a sly smile and a flutter of her eyelashes. Kakashi was taken aback at her obvious self appointed wing-woman move, but as Sai scrambled to the other side of the table he gave her a grateful eye creased smile. He casually slid into his chair and poured another beer from the pitcher in front of Genma as Kankuro walked confidently onto the stage.

Gaara did not need a front-row seat for this, more like a spot hiding in a corner. He abandoned the judges table with his woke done. Omoi and Kurenai did as well returning to their respective groups, but Anko and Iruka were quite comfortable with their spot, both still had most of a pitcher of beer and saw no good reason to move.

Temari cringed and sunk down into the booth at the sight of her brother walking across the bar to the stage. She wondered if she could just disappear. Gaara slid into the booth across from her and Shikamaru, taking the seat next to Choji. "Do you think it's too late to tell everyone he's adopted?" He asked cocking an eyebrow.

Temari buried her bright red face in her hands, shaking her head.

Choji couldn't stop himself. "Did you just make a joke, Gaara?"

Temari only groaned as the music started.

_Mucho gusto, me llamo Bradley I'm hornier than Ron Jeremy_

_And if you wanna get popped in your knee..._

"Not Sublime," she groaned. "He can't sing"

"He can't rap," Garra added. "And his Spanish is terrible."

Sai was trying very hard to keep up with everything happening. He had been reading about non-verbal communication, and it seemed like Sakura and Ino were having an entire conversation without saying anything at all.

It seemed like Sakura and Kakashi were staring at each other a lot and not speaking too, maybe they were also practicing non-verbal communication.

_When I kiss mexi it makes me feel horny_

_Cause I'm the type of lover with the sensitivity_

_When she kiss my neck and tickle me fancy_

_She give me the right kind of love on Sunday morning_

Genma watched as his perfect night was starting to go down in flames. Whatever this mess was, it wasn't what he wanted or planned. What was Kankuro thinking? This was going to bring the night to a screeching halt, and it was far too early for that. He was going to cut the prices on the drinks just to keep people here it this kept up.

_Levanta levanta tienes que gritar_

_Levanta levanta tienes que bailar_

_And it went uuh, and the girl caressed me down, uhh, and that's that loving sound..._

Anko was delighted. She knew it paid to keep her spot in the front of the room. As the music faded away the bar was almost silent, and poor Kankuro was waiting for the praise he thought that performance deserved.

She was speaking before she even realized what she was doing. "Kankuro, this was hard to watch, and even harder to listen to. The only thing worse than your singing is your rapping."

"--I don't know Anko," Iruka interrupted. "The Spanish was pretty bad too. But I do have to give you credit for the passion you bring to the production. If you want to continue exploring music, I would highly suggest that you take some lessons."

The room filled with laughter and the mood was lightened immediately. Genma sipped his beer with a smile as Kankuro slumped off the stage, maybe Anko and Iruka would save the night without him having to take a bath on the booze.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally Kakashi was going to win the challenge, but Gai brought so much joy I had to let him have it. 
> 
> I had a really hard time picking a song for Kankuro, but I am happy with how this one worked out.


	6. Hey Neji

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by the wonderful Moonlady 9

As Kankuro tried to hide in the back corner booth, Sakura was still wiping her eyes, and hoping her makeup had withstood the stream of tears cascading down her cheek. When she finally regained a sense of composure, she blinked the excess emotion away to find two warm gray eyes smiling back at her.

Kakashi lifted his hand to cup her cheek, and used his thumb to wipe the stray tears. In that moment Sakura felt a contentment she hadn't experienced in longer than she could remember.

"Sakura!" Only Naruto could have the complete lack of situational awareness to interrupt such a moment, and his yell broke the spell causing Kakashi and Sakura to jump and turn their attention to him.

She reached for her beer and found an empty glass. Kakashi refilled it, emptying the pitcher and excused himself to get another, taking Gai and Genma with him. 

As soon as the orders were placed Genma rounded on Kakashi. "Took you long enough."

Gai, who was never as far behind as he pretended to be, perked up. "Yes, my rival, you must tell us the story of how you have defeated my young student, and stole Sakura’s heart from Lee."

Genma and Kakashi, used to Gai's antics, knew it was best to ignore his... eccentric side. Kakashi hung his head. He had no intention of sitting for an interrogation, but there was no getting out of this without an abundance of conclusions, mostly from Genma. Those types of rumors wouldn't bother him at all, but he wouldn't let Sakura be the subject of assumptions. "There really isn't much to tell. It's... It's..." Kakashi didn't know how to finish his own sentence. How could he explain something he didn't fully understand himself? 

Taking mercy on him, Gai placed a hand on his shoulder to give it a reassuring squeeze. The thing about Gai was that he didn't have to say anything for Kakashi to know exactly what he was thinking.

* * *

Naruto slid into Kakashi’s vacant chair. “Sakura, what are you doing up here? You didn’t even say hey to meeeeeeeee!” 

“Naruto-kun, I think that was Lord Hokage’s seat.” Hinata said gently, standing behind him. 

“Kaka-sensei won’t care.”

“I think he might.” Ino chimed in from her spot across the table. 

Naruto looked from Hinata to Ino, understanding that he was missing something important. 

Music suddenly filled the room, but no one had taken the stage. Everyone looked to Itachi, then Tenten’s voice rang out as she danced to the stage. 

_ Oh Neji, you're so fine _

_ You're so fine, you blow my mind _

Ino, Shizune, and Sakura were already in fits of laughter, but found the composure to sing out from their spot at the table. 

_ Hey Neji, hey Neji _

Hinata was confused, and maybe slightly conflicted. She could understand how her stoic cousin could fall in love with someone as eccentric as Tenten. Afterall, Tenten wasn’t nearly as quirky as Naruto, but what she couldn’t understand was why he was smiling. She would have been mortified. 

_ Oh Neji, what a pity, you don’t understand _

_ You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand _

_ Oh Neji, you’re so pretty, can’t you understand _

_ It’s guys like you, Neji _

Somehow Neji’s smile was infectious, and Hinata just had to join the other girls singing along from the table. 

_ Ooh what you do Neji, do Neji _

Naruto pulled Hinata into his lap where she fell into a fit of giggles. His arms wrapped around her waist and she relaxed into his hold. 

* * *

Kushina wrapped sure fingers around Minato’s bicep and started shaking him with glee. “Finally!” She squealed. 

Minato could only smile in response. He wasn’t as optimistic of Naturo’s progress as she was. He had a way of tripping over his own intentions, but as Kakashi sat down pitchers of beer, he’d actually paid for, and somehow managed to take Sakura’s seat and shuffle her into his lap, Minato thought there might be hope for both of them after all. 


	7. Sweet Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Moonlady 9 for taking the time to beta this! You are just the best.

Anko almost spit out her beer watching Neji blush. Seeing a stoic Hyuga smile was always a treat. Tenten darted off the stage and was in his lap before she and Iruka could even begin to give their evaluation. Slightly affronted, Anko looked to Iruka and declared, "Shots! We need shots!"

It seemed she wasn't the only one who came to this conclusion as Karin and Jugo were making their way to all the tables with a round of shots.

* * *

Tsunade's eyes grew wide as Jugo made his way to her table setting the shot glass in front of her. It was a well known fact that the Godaime's favorite drink was one she didn't have to pay for.

Beside her, Jiraiya asked, "What's this?" before bringing it to his nose, giving it a cautious sniff.

"A Legendary Sucker, complements of the house." Jugo answered before moving on to the next table.

Jiraiya didn't even try to hide his glee. His deep laugh echoed throughout the bar. Tsuande looked to Dan to defend her, but he was already downing his shot in an excellent attempt not to be a part of this conversation.

* * *

Karin didn’t say a word as she dropped a tray full of shots onto the table with a plop. Genma could only shake his head at her attitude as the red-head strutted away. Good help really was hard to find. Shizune was already passing the drinks around the table.

Kakashi gave his drink a weary sniff, eyeing the sugary rim with disdain. 

Gai was much more enthusiastic, ”I bet I can tie a cherry stem faster than you!” 

“Aren’t we too told for that?” Kakashi asked, slightly defeated. He knew there was no getting out of it once Gai saw a contest. 

“What, don’t want Sakura to see you lose?” The words were out of Genma’s mouth before his brain had processed what he was saying. 

Kakashi leveled him with a look that would have sent lesser men running, but Genma just cocked a challenging eyebrow at him. “Fine. I’ll play too,” he never backed down from a challenge.

“We all should,” Ino said enthusiastically.

“I’m sorry Ino, I don’t understand. What is the point of this game?” Sai asked, curious.

Genma burst out with laughter, when he could speak, he answered, “I’ll get Yamato to explain later, kid. Alright on the count of three, first one to drop a tied cherry stem in their glass wins.”

Kakashi was relieved to see everyone concentrating too hard on their own task to pay him any attention, and when Genma said three he tugged his mask down just enough to swallow the contents of the glass. The sugar did nothing to take away from the assault of sour and liquor that coated his mouth when he caught the stem with his teeth and set to work.

“Done!” Sai proclaimed, still not understanding the point, but proud of winning. 

The remaining participants dropped their tied stems shortly after with a look of awe and annoyance at losing, except for Sakura. Her’s landed in Kakashi’s glass, with a double knot that caused the man under her to squirm and shift her weight as he adjusted his position. 

“What was that anyway?” Kakashi asked, chasing it with a generous gulp of beer. 

Genma smirked. “Our new drink, The Legendary Sucker.”

Shizune almost choked on her beer.

Sakura could barely contain her glee. “Shisho is going to kill you.” 

* * *

In another corner of the room, at another table conversation came to a halt as Madara got up and started walking to the stage.

“Did you know anything about this?” Hashirama asked his younger brother.

“Why would I?” Tobirama spat.

Mito and Hasirama exchanged a look and shook their heads. 

* * *

Itachi looked at the selection on the screen in front of him one final time. “Shisui, did he pick this or did you?”

“I wish I had picked it. It’s inspired.”

Itachi wasn’t so sure about that, but pressed play.

The familiar upbeat electronic keyboards filled the room as everyone looked up in utter disbelief, all conversation stopping.

Madara was completely unfazed and sang out.

_Sweet dreams are made of this_

_Who am I to disagree?_

_I travel the world_

_And the seven seas,_

_Everybody's looking for something._

The entire performance only took a few minutes, and Madara seemed utterly unaware how the crowd was reacting as he belted out the lyrics with gusto.

* * *

“Obito, we should go back inside," Rin giggled.

He ignored her and continued peppering her neck with soft kisses.

"Everyone will wonder where we went," she murmured, pushing him away with a playful smile.

"I'm pretty sure they know where we are," he smirked.

"All the more reason to go back inside," she responded, more amused than angry.

He took her hand and their fingers laced together as they exited the ally and made their way back to the pub.

He pushed the door open, letting Rin go in first but they both froze in the doorway as Madara sang the chorus for the final time.

Obito's jaw felt as if it had dropped to the floor. "Oh. My. God!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to TipsyRaconteur for helping with The Legendary Sucker with is a Midori Sour, if you need a new drink for this quarantine. 
> 
> Stay safe and be kind to one another.


	8. The Boys are Back in Town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special love to NeonKnight for reading this over for me, and being an amazing cheerleader.

Iruka had seen a lot of things in his years as a shinobi. Sure most of his time was spent far from the battlefield, but a classroom full of chakra filled preteens was a new challenge every day.However, nothing, no amount of pranks and tantrums, could have prepared him for this.

The electric keyboards ended and Madara stood before them, and no matter how hard Iruka tried he couldn't tell if Madara had done it intentionally.

"Oh. My. God." Obito's words cut through the silence. For a moment it was as if everyone was holding their breath, and then Anko started to cackle. It was infectious and a moment later the whole room was doubled over in laughter.

"That was the worst thing I have ever seen!" She spat between laughs.

Iruka shook his head, "Well, Madara, the performance was certainly unique, and your choice of song was--"

"--Inspired!" Anko finished for him, earning a collective groan from the crowd around them.

* * *

Madara had no interest in their opinions. He did what he wanted for his own reasons and simply walked off the stage and slid back into the booth next to Tobirama.

Hashirama caught his eye and he simply shrugged him off.

* * *

Tsunade had finished her  _ Legendary Sucker _ and Jiraiya's for good measure. She was starting to feel pretty good, but then that senbon obsessed ass had to get back on the stage.

"I hope everyone enjoyed their Legendary Sucker shots."

Tsunade was actually pushing her chair back to stand up and pull him off the stage by his choker.

"It's one of the new shots we have tonight, the others are the Pervy Sage and the Snake Bite, get all three half price for the next hour."

She settled back into her seat, maybe he wasn't all bad. The news of half price shots and hearing Jiraiya's groan both did wonders to improve her mood.

* * *

Ino was still laughing at all the wonderful suggestions around her about what a Pervy Sage would be when her father walked onto the stage, followed closely by his two best friends.

"Dad, no," she groaned, sinking as low in her chair as possible.

* * *

"Alright, go pops!" Chouji yelled out and Chouza waved back at him enthusiastically.

"Don't encourage them," Shikamaru grumbled as his dad started to sing.

_ Guess who just got back today _

_ Them wild-eyed boys that had been away _

_ Haven't changed that much to say _

_ But man, I still think them cats are crazy _

Temari didn't try to contain her glee. She was giggling uncontrollably next to Shikamaru.

"What?" he asked

"It's not just my family. Your family is just as weird."

Chouji didn't see what was so weird about it. It looked like fun to him. Maybe he should try and get Shikamaru and Ino to sing with him. His eyes scanned the room landing on another possible singing partner, maybe Karui liked singing too?

* * *

There was a bit of a coordinated dancing and shuffling that left Inoichi in the middle, and in front of the microphone.

But he didn't sing, it was more like a poetry reading, speaking the words in a low deep voice.

_ You know that chick that used to dance a lot _

_ Every night she'd be on the floor, shakin' what she got _

_ When I say she was cool she was red hot _

_ I mean, she was steamin' _

Ino was, for the first time in her life, speechless. This was all too organized, too well planned, They had been  _ practicing. _ She expected such nonsense from Gai and Kakashi, but what was her father thinking?

Then he had the audacity to look right at her and wink before there was more shuffling and Chouza took his turn at the front.

Naruto looked over Hinata's shoulder to Sakura, "Do you think Teme will sing a song with us?"

"I don't know about him, but I am going to have to be a whole lot drunker." Sakura replied.

With Naruto-like enthusiasm he jumped up sending Hinata stumbling before grabbing her hand and taking off for the bar, "I'll get you a Pervy Sage!"

"Add that to the list of things I never want to hear again." Sakura mumbled to herself earning a chuckle from that man beneath her that made her feel warm all over.

_ That jukebox in the corner blastin' out my favorite song _

_ The nights are getting warmer, it won't be long _

_ Won't be long till the summer comes _

_ Now that the boys are here again _

Chouza finished off the final verse and Chouji let out another yell as the three men sang the chorus together for the last time.

"Hey Shikamaru, do you wanna sing something?"

"Not happening, Chouji," he answered in a tone that left no room for debate.

"Oh, maybe someone else will," he mumbled as he found himself starting at Karui again.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos you have left on these drabbles. They are my happy outlet and writing them has been great for my mental health.


	9. These Boot Are Made For Walking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I heard this song on my way home from work and just had to add this chapter. 
> 
> Thanks to Moonlady9 for being an awesome beta.

Iruka waited as the men finished the final notes of their tune. Anko had been beating him to the punch all night and he wasn't going to let her do it again.

Anko, however, wasn't as patient and she had things to say. She saw no reason to wait for music to stop. "You guys are a national treasure! This was the most fun I've had all night. And you embarrassed your kids, which is always a plus."

Iruka sunk down, disappointed. Why did she always have to steal his thunder like that? It wasn't fair.

* * *

Choji was having a great time. The snacks were plentiful and surprisingly good. Karin might have a bad attitude but she was a great server.

"Why would we be embarrassed?" he asked between bites of his chicken wing. "That was awesome!"

"They are such a drag," Shikamaru replied, but didn't comment any further.

"Are you sure you and Ino won't sing with me?"

Forget it, Choji, Not gonna happen.I don't sing"

Temari gave him her best doe eyes. "Not even with me?"

* * *

"We got a round of Pervy Sages and Snake Bites for everyone!" Naruto declared proudly.

Genma looked at him questioningly, "I don't see any drink?"

"Suigetsu is behind, Teme is helping him. I tried to get him to come hang out with us, but he said the table was already too crowded."

Genma's eyes practically had dollar signs in them, there were so many orders they were having a hard time keeping up, and he didn’t even have to pay the bartender. He knew Karaoke night was a good idea.

* * *

"Are you sure this is the song she picked?" Itachi asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yes, now hurry up. She's waiting." Shisui replied.

Itachi looked at the signup sheet one last time, just to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him and pressed play.

* * *

Mei wrapped both her hands around the microphone and swayed her shapely hips behind the stand.

_You keep saying you got something for me_

_Something you call love but confess_

_You've been a'messin' where you shouldn't 've been a'messin'_

_And now someone else is getting all your best_

There was a collective high-pitched cheer from the kunoichi around the bar before they all joined in the chorus.

_These boots are made for walking_

_And that's just what they'll do_

_One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you_

As she sang the final line of the chorus, Tsunade waved her fingers in Dan’s face and pushed him back into his chair with a laugh. 

Dan wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. “Are you trying to run me off?”

Tsunade looked up at him with a soft smile and placed a light kiss to his cheek. “Never.”

* * *

Sai looked around at the women laughing and singing around him. He was beginning to think he was going to spend the entire night confused. Weren’t all boots made for walking? Maybe not hiking boots? But that wasn’t much different than walking really. He was going to have to hunt down Yamato soon. He was always good at explaining these things. 

Maybe Yamato would be able to help with the weird way Ino was looking at him, and what the point of the cherry stem game too. 

* * *

Iruka worked quickly to organize his thoughts in his head. Every good teacher knew it was best not to speak until you knew exactly what you were going to say, but he wasn’t going to let Anko have all the glory again. 

_You keep playing where you shouldn't be playing_

_And you keep thinking that you'll never get burnt (HAH)_

_I just found me a brand new box of matches (YEAH)_

_And what he knows you ain't had time to learn_

_These boots are made for walking,_

_And that's just what they'll do_

_One of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you_

_Are you ready, boots? Start walkin'_

Iruka’s mouth was actually open this time when Anko yelled out, “Yas, bitch! Yas!” Punctuating it with a clap of her hands over her head.

He blinked owlishly at her. “Anko, you can’t say that to a kage. I’m so sorry, Lady Mei,” he stammered, still shocked.

“Yes she can!” Tsunade yelled from behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor confused Sai! I have way to much fun with him. Let me know what you think!


	10. 9 to 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Mummapiantstheblues for all beta'ing this, and being awesome in general.

Tsunade was still laughing long after Mei had disappeared back into the crowd.

"I wouldn't laugh too hard." Jiraiya teased.

"And why not?"'

"Don't you remember last week? I bet you at least three kage would sing. That's two. One more and you have to sing the song I pick."

"Mei's retired. That doesn't count." She spat back confidently.

Most men would feel the need to defend their lover in this situation. Dan Kato wasn't most men, and Tsunade could certainly take care of herself without his help. Besides, she was so cute when she was ready to kill Jiraiya. 

"I don't see why she wouldn't count," he chimed in what he thought was his most helpful tone. Before Tsunade could aim her ire upon him, he slipped off to the bar. More drinks wouldn't hurt anything.

Tsunade took one look at Minato and Kushina a few tables away and knew that she had lost. There was no way Minato would tell her no. Kushina had been babbling about this all week. Just how drunk had she been when she agreed to this dumb bet anyway?

* * *

"Forehead, I gotta pee!" Ino declared over the table. Sakura didn't think twice before standing up to follow.

That didn't really surprise Kakashi, but Hinata, Tenten ,and Shizune all jumping up as well caused his eyebrows to raise a fraction. He gave Sakura's hand a reassuring squeeze before letting go. He had a feeling all the questions her friends held on the tips of their tongues were about to hit her all at once.

As soon as they were in the ladies room Tenten rounded on Sakura. "Details!"

"There isn't much to report," Sakura answered shyly.

To everyone's surprise it was Hinata who scoffed at that, "You've been sitting in his lap for the last hour!"

"Only because Naruto stole his seat!" Sakura protested.

"I'm pretty sure if Rokudaddy wanted his seat, he could have taken it back from Naruto," Ino yelled from behind the stall door.

"You did not just call him that!" Sakura yelled back.

* * *

As soon as Kotetsu and Izumo walked onto the stage Tsunade perked up. She might not be able to get out of her bet with Jiraiya, but the longer Minato and Kushina stayed in their seats, the better for her.

But then the music started and Kotetsu opened his mouth.

_Tumble outta bed and I stumble to the kitchen_

_Pour myself a cup of ambition_

_Yawn and stretch and try to come to life_

Then moved over to let Izumo continue.

_Jump in the shower and the blood starts pumpin'_

_Out on the street the traffic starts jumpin'_

_With folks like me on the job from 9 to 5_

Genma was loving this. He couldn't have hired better entertainment. Really, what kind of idiot complained about their boss, right in front of said boss.

* * *

Sakura was in such a hurry to escape the interrogation of increasingly personal questions she almost forgot to actually use the bathroom. She came out of the stall, washed her hands, and marched out the door without a word to her friends. But when she stepped into the dimly lit hall lined with empty kegs she stopped in her tracks.

_9 to 5, for service and devotion_

_You would think that I would deserve a fat promotion_

_Want to move ahead but the boss won't seem to let me_

_I swear sometimes that man is out to get me!_

"Shishou is going to kill them," she mumbled.

Shizune was nodding in silent agreement.

Tsunade was indeed ready to kill them. All they ever did was complain.

Dan seemed to read her mind, or maybe he could just see the murderous intent on her face, and leaned over. "You know, you aren't their boss anymore."

_They let you dream just to watch 'em shatter_

_You're just a step on the boss-man's ladder_

_But you got dreams she'll never take away_

"Did you hear that? They said, "she'll!" They’re bitching about me!"

Jiraiya was biting the inside of his cheek to keep from reacting. Having been on the receiving end of Tsunade's rage he didn't feel anything but pity for the fools currently provoking her.

"I'm sure you just misheard them," he offered as consultation.

* * *

Sakura was retaking her seat in Kakashi's lap with her head held high, and not making eye contact with Ino or Tenten as the song started coming to a close.

_9 to 5, whoa what a way to make a livin'_

_Barely gettin' by, it's all takin' and no givin'_

_They just use your mind and they never give you credit_

_It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it_

Ino looked at the empty chair next to the one she had vacated. Had she been ditched? That had never happened to her before. She looked to Naruto expecting an explanation.

"What?" he asked.

"What happened to Sai?"

"He went looking for Yamato."

Sakura felt Kakashi giggle, even if she didn't hear him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta any songs you would like to see included? Let me know in the comments or on Tumblr. Ask are always open.


	11. Mouth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to TipsyRaconteur

Yamato was having a wonderful night. It had been a long time since he had been out, and with all the half price drink specials he was quickly passing buzzed and well on his way to drunk. Additionally, his senpai was so preoccupied that he hadn't even tried to trick Yamato into paying for his drinks.

"Captain Yamato?" Sai asked from behind him.

Yamato congratulated himself for not jumping at the sound of Sai's voice. How he could always sneak up on Yamato, even in normal social situations would always be a mystery. He turned to find Sai looking at him expectantly. "What's going on?"

Sai waited a moment, pondering the question. There was a lot going on he didn't understand tonight. There was something going on with Sakura and Ino, who seemed to be having entire conversations with just a few looks. There was the cherry stem thing. Oh, and the way Sakura and Kakashi were acting was just odd. But the one thing that bugged him most was Ino. She seemed to look at him like she needed something, or maybe she expected something. And she kept touching him. It was all very weird.

"Can we go outside and talk for a moment?"

Yamato took the shot from Obito's hand and turned it up. This was going to be a  _ thing.  _ "Sure. We'll be right back," he said to his friends before following Sai out the door.

* * *

Karin just kept wondering how she got into this situation. It wasn’t like she needed this job. She would never know how Suigetsu had talked her into it. The boss was a flirt, but he had nothing on the customers. If she had to hear one more pick up line she was probably going to pull someone outside to bust their head open.

* * *

Deidara gave Itachi an  _ I still hate you  _ glare as he walked past the sound table and onto the stage.

The unmistakable sounds of gunge guitars filled the room.

_ You gave me this, made me give _

_ Your silver grin, still sticking it in _

"Well that's a bit on the nose don't ya think?" Shisui asked Itachi.

“Subility never was his strength."

* * *

Karin was passing drinks around the table when Kiba started talking. It took a moment of pointed staring before she realized he had been talking to her.

"I'm sorry, did you need anything else?"

"I was just saying that I can speak French."

Karin knew this was about to end badly, so she just waited silently daring him to continue.

"If you want to open your legs I can show you."

"Kiba!" Shino admonished.

Karin was almost positive it was the first thing she had ever heard him say. She was a little surprised by how soft, and deep his voice was. Pushing that thought away, she left the table to get her next order from the bar. She was NOT paid enough for this shit.

_ All your mental armor drags me down _

_ Nothing hurts like your mouth, mouth, mouth _

"Sakura," Naruto whined. "We just have to sing together! I know I can make Teme do it, but it won't be the same without you."

"Naruto, if Sakura doesn't want to, you shouldn't try to make her." Hinata admonished.

"No one wants to hear me sing, Naruto."

"Yes, we do!" He exclaimed.

From across the table Ino just had to voice her thoughts. "No, we really don't."

Damn it! Now Sakura was stuck. She either had to agree with Ino, which was a terrible option or she had to sing with Naruto, which was also a terrible option. There was just no winning.

She needed a drink.

* * *

Deidara now had both hands wrapped around the microphone and was leaning forward with the stand between his legs grinning proudly.

_ Your loaded smiles, pretty just desserts _

_ Wish it all for you, so much it never hurts _

Karin dropped a tray of shots and two pitchers at Genma's table. He might be her boss, but she didn't stick around to see if he needed anything else, the cheap bastard had better tip her.

Heading back to the bar didn't look much better, the  _ French _ guy's friend was standing there. How did he stand this heat in that jacket?

_ We can't breathe when you come around _

_ All your metal armor drags me down _

_ Nothing hurts like your mouth, mouth, mouth _

Sakura's eyes darted between Ino and Naruto. There was no good solution. She knew Ino was right, maybe if she was drunk enough it wouldn't be that bad. Before giving herself a chance to overthink it she grabbed two of the green shots from the table.

"Wait, Sakura! Don't!" Genma warned, but it was too late. Sakura turned one up and then the other, slamming both glasses down onto the table and coughing roughly.

Kakashi gave her back a couple of firm smacks and handed her his beer to chase it down. When she could finally breathe again, she leveled Genma with a look that would have sent most men running.

To his credit Genma stood his ground and smiled back. "I tried to warn you. The snake bites are mostly absinthe."

* * *

Deidara looked out at the uninterested crowd going on with their night and totally ignoring him. What the hell was wrong with these people. They obviously didn't know anything about music.

Then Irkua spoke up. "I have to say, that was pretty fun, but the song choice was a little obvious."

"The song was crap!" Anko cackled.

Deidara didn't have to take this. "You think it's so easy, why don't you two get up here, yeah?"

Irkua's jaw dropped to the floor as he tried to sputter a response.

He didn't get the chance before Shisui chimed in, "I have the perfect song for you two!"

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad Shisui knows what they are going to sing, because I don't. If you have any ideas let me know in the comments for send me an ask on Tumblr


	12. Time Warp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be warned, we have entered a whole new level of crack headcanons. 
> 
> If you're unfamiliar with Time Warp I suggest you run off to youtube before you read this one. Thanks to Moonlady9 for her general awesomeness and her beta'ing awesomeness.

Minato smirked to himself as Iruka and Anko made their way past Shisui and onto the stage. He wasn't exactly surprised they had been called out on their antics, he was just surprised it had taken so long. Shikaku had seemed such an obvious choice now that he thought back on it.

As he looked over to ask Kushina her opinion, he noticed a dangerous twinkle in her eyes.

"I found it!" She grinned indicating her selection on the list page before her.

Minato looked from the page to his wife, blinking at her choice. It wasn't at all what he expected and truthfully he was relieved. "Sounds perfect."

* * *

Below the blue glowing neon lights, Yamato and Sai sat at one of the rod iron bistro tables that littered the patio between the door and the street. Sai had been struggling to verbalize his thoughts. It seemed like every time he attempted to put into words what was happening, especially with Ino, his mind went blank and all words just fluttered away.

* * *

Sakura was attempting a quick,and slightly disturbing inventory of everything she had mixed since arriving. She and Kakashi had shared two pitchers of beer, and he had been, not so discreetly, topping off both their glasses from pitchers that more than likely belonged to Gai and Genma. So, a lot of beer, one mostly sweet shot, and... those two shots of absinthe. Overall, she was quickly passing buzzed and well on her way to drunk. The warm hand on her waist would have been alarming if it had belonged to anyone else, but with Kakashi, Sakura knew she was completely safe. She smiled to herself emptying the last of their beer into her glass. _In for a penny, in for a pound_ as they say.

* * *

Iruka let out a nervous breath as he watched the small screen facing the microphone, anxiously awaiting whatever Shisui had planned for them. The music started and Iruka switched from anxious to excited before the lyrics started to scroll across the screen.

Shisui would pay for this later, but for now, Iruka was going to have some fun.

_It's astounding_

_Time is fleeting_

_Madness takes its toll_

No one was more astounded at this turn of events than Anko. This was a side of Iruka she hadn't expected, and it sent her mind wandering.

_I remember doing the Time Warp_

_Drinking those moments when_

_The blackness would hit me_

Deidara sat next to Sasori facing the stage in complete shock. How had this gone so sideways on him? He had expected them to be forced into some dumb sappy duet. Not something this suggestive and certainly not to be loving it. He had reached for his beer but froze with his hand at the rim, too shocked to lift it to his mouth. The tongue in his hand had a mind of its own and lapped the foam from the top of the glass.

* * *

Anko was already on the stage, it wasn't as if she could get out of it.

_Let's do the Time Warp again_

_Let's do the Time Warp again_

Most of their table was staring shocked at the stage, but Naruto continued chatting merrily along about all the things they could sing as a team, wondering if he could persuade Sai and Yamato, too. He was relatively sure he had Sakura as soon as Ino told her not to. From the touches and smiles he had been seeing all night, if Sakura was in Kakashi wouldn't have the option of saying no. 

_But it's the pelvic thrust_

_That really drives you insane_

_Let's do the Time Warp again_

_Let's do the Time Warp again_

Iruka nodded toward the screen indicating to Anko to sing Magenta's part.

_In another dimension_

_With voyeuristic intention_

_Well secluded, I see all_

"How did you know?" Itachi asked evenly.

"I go to the show every Halloween. Iruka is always there, and always dresses up.” Shisui smiled a bit at the enthusiastic display. “He gets really into it."

Itachi shrugged. Everyone had their _thing._ "Let me guess, Brad?"

"No, Frankenfurter. He had the pearls and everything."

Itachi almost choked on his beer.

* * *

Sai's thought's had finally started to arrange themselves in a pattern. He realized one thing. Ino seemed to be paying a lot of attention to him, and he liked it. What he needed to know was so simple now. "How do you tell a girl you like being with her?"

There, that should be simple enough.

Yamato had no idea where to start. He only hoped the girl was Ino and not Sakura or Hinata or this whole conversation was going to get really complicated.

_It's just a jump to the left_

_And then a step to the right_

_With your hands on your hips_

_You bring your knees in tight_

_But it's the pelvic thrust_

_That really drives you insane_

_Let's do the Time Warp again_

_Let's do the Time Warp again_

Iruka and Anko finished the final lines and giggled as the music faded away. They have gotten a little too into the instructions and the realization that he had been jumping to the left and stepping to the right was the least of his worries as he looked over a crowd made up largely of his former students.

* * *

"That was great!" Naruto laughed. "I wonder what it's from?"

Genma's jaw dropped letting his precious senbon fall to the table.

"Have you really never seen that movie?"

"What movie?" He asked with genuine curiosity.

"Kakashi? Did you not teach them anything?"

Sakura couldn't resist. "He really didn't."

* * *

Anko was only a step behind Iruka as he passed the sound table, making it a point not to look at Shisui. "You know, Iruka," she mused, "I bet you would look good in a corset."

"I do," he replied before it occurred to him exactly what he had said.

She hesitated for only a moment before grabbing him by the wrist and dragging him out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like Deidara, I had thought they would be singing a sappy duet, but then for some reason the image of Iruka dressed as Dr Frankenfurter popped in my head, and well, this happened. And if any artist also need a Dr Frankenfurter Iruka, I support you.
> 
> I decided I needed Dr Frank Iruka, so I commissioned https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/butmakeitfanart


	13. Don't Stop Me Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Moonlady9 for being awesome as always!

The door opened with Anko pulling a blushing and grinning Iruka behind her. They waltzed right past Sai and Yamato without a second glance. Yamato almost felt bad for Iruka, he'd been on the receiving end of that look in Anko's eyes a time or two himself.

For now, he had bigger problems. Once Sai got started it was hard to slow him down. And he had a lot of questions about Ino. At least he was finally starting to figure out his own feelings, if Ino got anymore aggressive with her flirting she was going to just show up at his place naked.

* * *

The only person remotely disappointed in Iruka's enthusiastic display was Obito. Trolling Deidara has always been the best part of being in the Akatsuki, and he'd signed up for the spot after him just for the pleasure of doing it again.

Kissing Rin softly on the temple he mumbled, "I'll be right back." And with a wink, strutted toward the front of the bar.

From the stage he looked out over the crowd until he found his favorite victim. "Deidara! Deidara!" he squealed, easily slipping into his _Tobi_ persona. "I'm singing this just for you, Deidara!"

Tonight, I'm gonna have myself a real good time

I feel alive and the world I'll turn it inside out, yeah

And floating around in ecstasy

So don't stop me now don't stop me

'Cause I'm having a good time, having a good time

Itachi had stayed his usual stoic self through all the antics of the evening. Ignoring props, overly rehearsed performances, and only cracking a grin at the idea of Iruka in a corset, but this... This was a gift he hadn't asked for, and didn't know he needed. He couldn't stop the fit of giggles that washed over him as Obito wiggled his ass and kept his eyes locked on Deidara. 

I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah

Two hundred degrees

That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit

I'm traveling at the speed of light

I wanna make a supersonic man out of you

"Kakashi," Sakura started, trying her best not to laugh. "I know he's your best friend and all, but that guy needs serious counseling."

"Hey!" Genma and Gai exclaimed at once.

"I thought I was your best friend!" Gai yelled a little too loudly, and Genma sat there looking betrayed.

"Oops..." Sakura snickered.

Don't stop me now ('cause I'm having a good time)

Don't stop me now (yes, I'm havin' a good time)

I don't want to stop at all

Kiba stopped and smirked at the crashing sound coming from the supply closet on his way to the men's room. He'd been responsible for a few crashes in that room himself, after all.

* * *

"You know, I don't think he's changed at all," Kushina laughed.

"You're right about that," Minato replied before taking another sip of his beer. It looked like he was actually going to have to put some effort into this. He couldn't let his students show him up after all.

* * *

Yamato and Sai quietly slipped back in the door and returned to their respective groups. Sliding back into his chair Sai smiled warmly at the table before swallowing hard. He gave Ino another mostly confused look before wrapping his hand over hers, causing Ino's annoyance at his disappearance to soften into affection.

I am a satellite, I'm out of control

I am a sex machine, ready to reload

Like an atom bomb about to

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh explode

Deidara's anger had already slipped into amusement, and even though he tried to fight it, he was already grinning. Not that he would ever admit it, but he kind of missed telling Tobi to 'shut up.'

Thankfully Kakazu and Hidan weren't the type to notice.

Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time

I'm having a ball

Don't stop me now

If you wanna have a good time (wooh)

Just give me a call (alright)

The door to the supply closet opened just enough to peek out and make sure there was no one around before Karin and Shino came tumbling out. Karin gave him a light kiss on the cheek, then slipped into the ladies room to check her appearance and make sure her hair was covering any marks that she was sure had been left.

Neither of them noticed Kiba coming out of the men's room just in time to put it all together. He wasn't sure if he was impressed or disappointed. He didn't know Shino had it in him.

* * *

Sai was rather proud of himself. It seems Yamato was right, Physical touches were very nice. Maybe he would need to explore more of them later. For now he was happy with the way Ino's thumb was gently caressing his. It seemed to be warming him from the inside out and he wondered briefly if this was what it felt like when you were blushing.

Rin couldn't stop the grin she had as he finished the final _Ha da daa ha da da aaa_ 's and left the stage.

Even when she heard Deidara yell out a light hearted. "Shut up, Tobi!"

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I already miss Anko and Iruka's snarky comments. 
> 
> Tobi is my favorite persona of Obito, and I live for him trolling Deidara. So I had to get it in here. 
> 
> If Kakashi is Bowie, then Obito is Freddie! 
> 
> If you liked it let me know.


	14. Proud Mary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the lovely Sleepyfox for beta'ing this chapter.

Kushina was pulling Minato onto the stage before Obito had time to leave. She was practically dancing already. The sight warmed Jiraiya's heart. He'd always known those two were just perfect for each other. More importantly, he had just won a bet. And by the look of dread on Tsunade's face, she knew it too. He couldn’t wait.

Kushina wrapped both hands around the mic and leaned forward, letting her hips sway behind her.

You know, every now and then

I think you might like to hear something from us

Nice and easy

But there's just one thing

You see we never ever do nothing

Nice, easy

We always do it nice and rough

Minato swallowed hard at the way she emphasized rough, hopefully no one else picked up on it. The look Jiraiya shot him said at least one person had. Well, hopefully, at least Naruto missed it.

I left a good job in the city

Working for the man every night and day

And I never lost one minute of sleeping

I was worrying 'bout the way the things might've been

"Just tell me," Kiba whined, shaking Shino by the arm.

"There's nothing to tell."

"You're smiling! I can see it even with your jacket!"

Shino was smiling, but that was none of Kiba's business, and Shino was far more stubborn than Kiba. "I smile a lot."

* * *

Minato put extra effort into adding some bass to his voice as he filled in the background.

Rolling, Rolling,

Rolling on the river

When the tempo picked up, so did Kishina's energy. She danced and swayed with every verse.

* * *

"How do you think she does it?" Rin asked.

"Kushina?" Obito asked.

"Yea," she said, turning to face him fully.

"Do what?"

"She's just so confident. Never lets anything get to her. Look at her, she might as well be alone in her living room."

He kissed her forehead gently. "Wanna know the secret?" He waited for Rin to nod, even though he already knew the answer. "Vodka." He gestured to Minato and Kushina's table, where 4 tall glasses were all but empty but for the celery garnish.

Rin could only giggle softly.

Cleaned a lot of plates in Memphis

Pumped a lot of tane down in New Orleans

But I never saw the good side of the city

Until I hitched a ride on a riverboat queen

Sakura was perfectly capable of going shot for shot with Tsunade, but that didn't mean she did it often. Typically she preferred to stop at slightly buzzed, but tonight she'd left slightly buzzed behind, and was far drunker than she’d been in a very long time. Drunk enough, that words rolled over her lips without passing through her brain first. "I'll sing with you, Naruto, but only if you can get Sasuke to, too... wait that didn't sound right." She thought hard for a minute about her words and said, "If you can get Sasuke to  _ sing _ too. Yes, that." She hadn't meant to say the last part out loud.

Naruto's triumphant smile threatened to take over his face. He jumped up, grabbing Hinata by the hips to keep her from falling. "Yeah, sure no problem." He scampered away as Sakura grabbed the glass green shot from the table. Even in her state she could feel Kakashi's protective gaze on her. She gave him a warm  _ I'm okay _ smile over her shoulder before turning the Snake Bite up with a wink.

You know that big wheel keep on turning

Proud Mary keep on burning

And we're rolling, rolling, rolling yeah (rolling)

Rolling on the river

"Sakura," Kakakshi's breath ghosted over the shell of her ear, his words just for her. "You sure you're going to be okay."

She leaned back against his strong chest, reveling in how warm he felt. "I'm drunk, but I'm okay."

"Um, do you think you can stop squirming around so much?"

For a moment his request left her perplexed, but then she noticed exactly where she was sitting. Sakura felt all the blood rush to her face as she turned a shade of red that she was sure she had never been before.

* * *

"Can I buy you a drink?"

Karui blinked up at him slowly. Men didn't typically just walk up to her like that, and especially not when she was sitting with Omoi and Samui. She wasn't sure if she was more impressed or astounded.

She looked him over, taking in how he seemed terrified and somehow completely happy at the same time. When she smiled back, he seemed to breathe again. "I'd like that. It's Chouji, right?"

Big wheel keep on turning

Proud Mary keep on burning

And we're rolling, tell you rolling, we're rolling on the river

Tell you we have no time (rolling, rolling, rolling on the river)

"This doesn't count!"

"It absolutely counts, Tsunade," Jiraiya replied evenly. Years of dealing with Tsunade's temper had taught him it was best to remain calm when she was on the verge of exploding.

"It does not! He's not even singing, just doing some weird extra deep voice for a line here and there. Not singing. Doesn't count."

"He's on stage making fun of himself," Orichamaru supplied with a smirk that made Tsunade ready to strangle him. "It counts."

"It does not!" She shouted a little louder than she intended, causing everyone around them to turn and look.

"I think I have a way around this." Jiraiya smiled.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by Dryadis who put the idea of Genma as a Guns and Roses fan into my head, and it grew into this. 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr https://mrssakurahatake.tumblr.com/


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